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Showing posts from March, 2009

Automotively, Generally Getting Specific, 3/31/09

Goodbye Pontiac and GMC, And Saturn, a farewell to thee. Saab's demise makes me blue Hummer's death? Overdue This is GM -- but now what's the 'G'?

Usage, 3/30/09

When trying to master your words Adjectives turn into verbs You'll no longer doubt this Once you "inside-out" this As my son has me do with his shirts.

He's not wrong, 3/29/09

Some children like music or art Still others trend more towards Descartes But mine has eschewed Those for something more rude: "Daddy, I was born to fart."

It's Still Basketball, 3/28/09

It's March Madness and tonight I Will root for my team, do or die As I try to ignore That out on the floor Isn't one single chromosome Y.

The Definition of Anticlimax, 3/27/09

90 minutes on the phone in a fight For the pay-per-view movie to work right And then, finally, In full screen HD... The 9 o'clock showing of Twilight?

This is no time for small talk, 3/26/09

The good news: the prostate's okay And I only feel slightly more gay It was after I hated While still lubricated As the doctor chit-chatted away.

For Men Only (on the eve of my first post-40 physical), 3/25/09

The thought of it's really quite heinous But the doctors insist to maintain us That they have to shove First a hand in a glove Then a finger up into your anus.
Image
Someone should go get a taser And go use it on Brian Grazer Then once he's on the ground They should just go to town On his asinine hair with a razor

A Most Unfortunate Angle, 3/23/09

From the urinal at work where you Stand there's a disturbing view: In the glare of the wall There's a rear in the wall Of the guy who is sitting to poo.

Working Against The Weekend, 3/22/09

Two dinners, four bottles of wine Make for a weekend that's fine But when you've work to do These diversions mean you Are still working at 12:49.

Workin' on the Weekend, 3/21/09

He went down for his nap with a hush I went downstairs to work in a rush And though I wrote fast The boy's nap didn't last And so what I accomplished: not much.

The Room, 3/20/09

Some days in a writers' room Are like being stuck in a vacuum Where you finish your lunch And you have a hunch... But even your hunch meets its doom.

Besides, it's after my bedtime, 3/19/09

There are places that I will not go Things I prefer not to know So despite all the drama I won't watch Obama 'Cause I can't stomach the Tonight Show

The Burgermeister, No Longer Moribund, 3/18/09

There's a dive bar nearby called Hinano Much about which I simply did not know But now it appears That their burgers and beers Are terrific -- so off to it I go!

When Jewish Eyes Are Smilin', 3/17/09

Mmm, corned beef and cabbage and lots of Stout and potatoes, but what's off About this repast Is that what we had last Was a whole slab of dark chocolate matzo.

Outnumbered, 3/16/09

I wish my poor wife would get better But I don't think our two kids will let her Since they don't turn off She's still got a bad cough I swear, it's like they're out to get her.

The Wrong Side of Bed, 3/15/09

Today was just one of those days As the sun warmed the earth with its rays You woke praying the moon Would for god's sake come soon 'Cause your kids have you already crazed.

Tonight, we had a really great meal, 3/14/09

A great restaurant is a place to Really savor the flavors you chew But when you're with your kids Then what makes it great is That nobody complained about you

I said 'kvetch', not 'fetch', 3/13/09

I just learned there are people who'll Throw parties I say make them fools. Such as the "Bark Mitzvah" Which to me seems just seems it's a Competition to be 'Best in Schul.'

Sentencing is set for June 16, 3/12/09

Nature's been said to abhor A vacuum -- but, even more It really can't stand One particular man: 617-27-054

The Pillow Of Death, 3/11/09

Our bedtime's a bit like roulette That depends on the pillow you get: And when the pillow of death Lands beneath your neck's breadth You awake with a pain you regret.

Building imaginations (by killing trees), 3/10/09

Before you're a parent the part No one warns you about at the start Is how once they can draw That you'll soon be in awe At the proliferation of art.

Get Well Soon! 3/9/09

A weekend away should delight us. A brief absence should serve to unite us. But from Palm Desert my Wife's returned with pinkeye And a case of severe laryngitis.

Getting dizzy with it, 3/8/09

A trip to the playground, unplanned. A ride you can spin with one hand. The cries, "Daddy, faster!" And then, the disaster: The vomiting onto the sand.

If only I were unemployed and childless, I could sleep in, 3/7/09

Tonight we spring forward, which means It's later right now than it seems. And that at six tomorrow (Or five -- do you follow?) I'll be conscious thanks just to caffeine.

Esther Westchester makes the New York Times, 3/6/09

I'm taking today as a sign. Because in today's New York Times Along with the bad news The Purim show that Jews Are putting on got a few lines http://tinyurl.com/99awlh

An early night, 3/5/09

Driving home I was so happy To rush through the rush hour madly Knowing I'd see my sons Before their days were done. And come through the door to hear "Daddy!"

The Whole Megillah, 3/4/09

Upon hearing the story of Purim Our preschooler now believes we're in The role of aggressors As parents, oppressors And of this we now need to cure him.

Poll Position, 3/3/09

Today in LA we elected (Or perhaps, I suppose, we rejected) The mayor, controller Something about solar... I abstained 'cause I feel disaffected.

Life isn't a highway, it's a yo-yo, 3/2/09

I know I should be celebrating That I've lost weight -- and yet I am waiting 'Cause since January I've gained and lost the same three Frigging pounds, which is getting frustrating.

What's weirder is we don't even call it a binkie, 3/1/09

When his blankie and binkie both fall B's ! the baby will call And it's cute as can be Though what's puzzling me Is I know that he can't spell at all.