The Modern Curmudgeon

I caught a ball deep for a score But, it's been six, seven years -- maybe more Since I went to play Football on Saturday So in the morning I'm gonna be sore.

As a writer you get used to this: Some things hit, while others miss So I'm happy to say That as of today Our ideas were received with a kiss

From what my wife says now our boy Is a sweetheart.  A dreamboat.  A joy. And this seems to be Because till recently I was at home, unemployed.

This evening at work I debuted A character differently-hued I channelled a nurse Who was black -- and what's worse Was full of clichéd attitude.

My son has a few allergies, To walnuts, mushrooms, and blueberries Corn, shrimp, and potatoes Whole wheat, eggs, and tomatoes Grapes, guinea pigs, chicken, and horsies.

Someone did just as they pleased With my Paypal account that they seized Control of last night Which they stole from outright And all I know is they're Chinese.

With the inspired words of Sean Penn And the corpse of Sophia Loren Tonight reminds me Of the films I've yet to see Including "No Country For Old Men" Sent from my iPhone

I just needed to pick up the table My wife bought, and she felt I was able. So I went with our son Where I got the wrong one Because I did not read the label.

3am pretty much stinks When the baby thinks he needs a drink On those nights I guess I get, more or less Somewhere around 32 winks.

Peeking from behind his door Then tiptoing out onto the floor He announces he's stayed up, That a story he's made up, "Can I tell it?  Just five minutes more?"

Not a dime, not one penny more To GM and to Chrysler for Their mismanagement It's time that they went The way of the dinosaur.

I know it's wrong to generalize But I've learned not to be surprised By real estate "pros" Whose ability blows It's a profession I've come to despise.

Hannah Montana's a show I researched today so I'd know How to write this Purim thing To air online this spring. It's confusing, right?  Yeah, I thought so.

I altered the old recipe With pecans and dark chocolate, to see If, as I presumed I need not ask for whom The house tolled, it tolled for me.

She said "I'll see you at 8" But I wasn't sure it was a date And now, ten years later (And yes, I did date her) She's my wife -- so it must have been fate.

Triskadekaphobics, beware! For today is the day that you fear And the bad news for you Is if you make it through It happens two more times this year.

A restaurant on Valentine's Day Is a prix fixe romantic cliché Filled with neophytes While the true sybarites Stay at home and make something gourmet.

As off to the office I'm going The hardest part is the not knowing If I'll be return home Before my boys have flown To their beds, leaving my heart Yo-Yoing.

Economically we've all been stamped on So I get it -- now you're not so amped on A show where you see Lives of prosperity But for god's sake, it's set in the Hamptons.

Frasier 's box set, Season 8 I just purchased, and now contemplate: Is the .3 percent I earn on what I spent Income or just a rebate? 

The new trampoline's pretty sweet. Sure to be the envy of the street. But who'd Zach invite To first share this delight? A kid with two casts on her feet.

We just got a trampoline So our kids can go blow off some steam And 'cause pediatricians Are lovely physicians But there are ER docs we haven't seen.

Our writers' room lights are fluorescent Which is getting to be most unpleasant. By the end of the day My wits are all frayed And my brain has become too tumescent.

Your facebook friends were unaware Of so much that you had to share Random things, twenty five All about your life And 26 is: they don't care.

"Congratulations!" They say "Your poem is top notch, grade A! And here, take a look It's in this fine book How'd you like buy one today?" But I think this might be a ruse 'Cause if I had a poem to choose It wouldn't be mine (Not that it isn't fine) I'll include it for you to peruse: "I've come up with a groundbreaking thesis That could prove more important than Jesus It's... wait, on second thought Perhaps maybe it's not. Damn. I hope nobody reads this."

The bad news is so hard to avoid As this country slips into a void So uneconomical It's almost comical That now I find myself employed.

"A ghost bit my finger," he said Trying not to go to bed "That can't be," I replied Guiding him back inside "When ghosts bite you, they go for the head."

You know that the world is confused When the Superbowl ads that you used To look forward to Instead kinda blew And the game is what had you enthused.